In Honour of Your Soul

I didn't cry at your funeral.

I think I was the only one.

I walked in the front doors of the parlour, everyone looking at me - silent, expecting.
The air was heavy and damp.

"Would you like a tissue darling," asks my aunt's cousin's mother's sister.

The absence of tears making everyone uncomfortable.....
"why isn't she crying?"

I told myself to be strong. Be strong for those who could not be strong for themselves.
Be strong like you would want me to be....

Hold their hands,
Pat their backs,
Tell them everything will be okay even though I know that's a lie.

I held your hand that day, and lay my head on your shoulder for comfort.
Nobody knew you were there but me.....I could smell you in the air.

I wore white that day....to honour your soul - my soul, my heart. It rained all the way home.

I didn't cry at your funeral.