Oh Love...

Oh love...

How brave you've been.
Stood strong through my torment of you.

You've always known what I am
and still you plunged into my abyss.

I've never pretended to be something I'm not
and still you held onto my soul with both hands.

I cut your heart from your chest
and put it in my freezer for future consumption
and still you did not falter.

I pushed and pushed and you only held me tighter.

Oh love...

Tonight I mourn for you and every night after this.

Spiders

I've always smiled fondly
at spiders crawling on the wall.

Eight legs strategically walking
one by one in sync with each other.

Singing in chorus.

How could I squash such a perfect melody?

Valiant Defender

We were only kids
that day when you slapped me across the cheek and
clenched a fist full of my hair in your hand

I punched you back.

I wonder had we known that so many years later
you would become
valiant defender of everything that is mine

and I would watch over your heart
like a protectant mother

Maybe...

we would have hit harder.

The Stranger

I was drinking my mochachinno and immersed in my book when I looked up and saw him.

He was sitting across from me on the other side of the room and was also reading a book. Our eyes locked for a split second and then just as suddenly we both turned our attention back to our books and our warm drinks.

I pretended to keep reading but I could feel his eyes on me and I felt myself start to blush. Don't look up.

Just another quick glance....

With my head lowered I raised my eyes and looked at him. He half smiled...more like a grin and I quickly looked back down at my book but before I could stop it my mouth started to form a smile. I tried to bite down on my bottom lip to prevent it but it took over my face.

I felt silly sitting in this coffee shop with a book in my face, smiling like a lunatic...but this man....this stranger caused something else to stir inside me as well. Excitement...curiosity...

I had to stand up and get out of view before I embarrassed myself further.

Don't make eye contact. The washrooms were ahead and to the right. I had to pass his table.

I casually closed my book and placed it on the table in front of me and then stood and began walking in the direction of the washrooms. Don't make eye contact. As I passed his table I couldn't help but look at him from the corner of my eye. He was still looking at me. Still looking.

I had made it as far as the dimly lit hallway when I felt someone grab my hand. Surprised, I turned around and he was standing there looking at me. I felt my heart start to pound. Dark hair, sharp chiseled features and ice blue eyes. I was speechless. He smiled. Neither of us spoke but he was still holding onto my hand and his fingers on my palm sent electricity up my arm.

He moved in my direction and I backed toward the wall....my back against it he continued to get closer and closer until his face was only a few inches from mine. Ice blue eyes. Neither of us spoke. He half grinned and then without a word he placed his mouth on mine and kissed me deeply. His mouth tasted like whatever he had been drinking...sweet and warm. Time stood still and I returned his kiss with building passion. He pushed himself against me and brought his hands up to cradle my face. We stood there like that...against the wall in a passionate embrace for what seemed like hours...

Then without warning he pulled away from me and with a smile he turned and walked back down the hallway toward his table. I was left breathless and electric with my back against the wall and I watched him as he walked away.

I stood there for a while...not wanting to leave that spot...basking in the moment...until finally I convinced my legs to move and walked back to the table.

I looked toward where he had been sitting.

He was gone.

I glanced around the coffee shop but there was no sign of him. I licked my lips and could still taste the sweetness of his mouth. I smiled.

I never did get his name....or even hear his voice...that stranger with the dark hair and the ice blue eyes. But every now and then he comes to me in my dreams and takes me back to that dimly lit hallway...

It's Time Now...

It's time now
to be brave.

In dealing with my own mortality,
I've come to realize...

I love this world and everything in it.

The pleasure and the pain....the joy and the anguish.

Every "fucking" minute of it...
I love all of it.

It's time now
to come to terms with myself.

Allow myself to feel, to love without regret...without remorse.

In this dark hour....where I find myself contemplating my death...

It's time now

to live.

Adieu

And now to end this charade...

It is clear that you don't understand.

My words are passing through you
as a foreign language might.

I meant you no harm...

Have your anger...it's nice to see you feel something.

"No sweeping exit,
or offstage lines...
could make me feel bitter...
or treat you unkind"
(Wild Horses - The Rolling Stones)

I bid you adieu...

Just let him go...

That's what I told myself
while erasing all traces of you
from my hard drive tonight

and cursing the "restore" button.

He Speaks...

He speaks in rhymes and riddles,
he speaks to me with his hands.

With my eyes closed, my back bare
I run my fingers along my skin
remembering his touch.

Wandering hands...

I bite down on my lip
and scratch my nails along
my shoulder
in memory if him.

He speaks to me with his hands
and my body responds.

Oh how I miss those days...

Sitting in your car, driving through the country
the sun beating down on us
listening to reggae on your stereo.

Wearing my aviators
with my feet hanging out your window
while I took long slow drags from a joint
you had rolled.

If there is a heaven....we found it there.

Heaven

I woke up this morning and realized that I am dying.

The brown, dead fields of my life are littered
with casualties.

The blood in the sink confirmed it.

I stood in the washroom and looked at my face
and understood that I am alone...

I cried on the countertop and scolded myself
for being so weak.

The taste of blood was strong in my mouth.

So bitter sweet.

And I pack this away in my heart
along with everything else left unsaid
between us.

I'll see you in heaven my Angel...

I'll see you in heaven.

Or...

The God, The Commander
of my disillusionment.

Lord of my idolatry.

We rest in erotic heart,
love or resist.

When the lies that corrode my mind
form a word like truthful.

Nothing else is happening.

Black Coffee

Thinking back...

I'm not sure what I expected.

I came to you and served you
my soul on a fancy plate.

You devoured half of it
and left the rest to fester.

Garbage day isn't until next week.

I should have poured you
cold black coffee and smiled
when it tasted bitter.

Dear Friend,

I got your message this morning. After I read it I read it again.

I don't know how to respond except to say that the hole is getting bigger.

I looked at the christmas tree today. Looked at the old, bare branches. I looked at the sorry decorations hanging off the limp and barren limbs and the lights that are all different sizes and colours. It looked weathered.

It looked like a cheap whore.

And I cried for it.

Love always,

A Poet

Oh beloved....

How I used to cherish

Inhaling white enchantment
off a cd case from your car
and driving around
predicting the future.

So intoxicating...

the way you kissed my mouth,
pushed me against a wall
and grabbed my hair like you owned me.

Midnight

I looked for you at midnight...
the streets were cold and snowy and I thought of calling you.
Opened my phone.

Pillows will never be same...
3 foot christmas trees will haunt me...
A white couch will continue to seduce me in my dreams.

I looked for you at dawn...
tried to read a book but couldn't get through a page
without closing my eyes and sighing.

I cannot understand my sorrow...
and I wonder if you could explain it to me.

And

I wonder if you're wondering....

How sad to find each other again
only to dipose of it out of fear.

My dear friend....
put the tree up and
think of me
when it
lights
up.