You Don't Know Me

At the risk of sounding trite:
You don't know me.

Reading my words and interpreting
them in your head
does not make you
an authority.

Interpret this:

Fuck yourself.
(I think she's got anger issues)

Who knew???

If I cared enough to waste
anymore energy on you
I'd knock your smug ass

right down off the pedestal you placed yourself on.

How pitifully adorable you seem to me now...
now that I realize

You don't know me.

Gram of Reality

I was contemplating calling you this morning
to ask you if you still dream of me the same way
that I dream of you.

Instead I rolled up a gram of reality
and smoked the entire thing.

A Voice

I've decided to own this.
Own the emotions and make them my own
I've allowed myself to be turned into a victim.

I am not a victim.

Growing up I never expected anything from you.
But you gave things to me anyway...
"you're a whore", "completely worthless"
purple bruises on my face
a distorted sense of "self".

At least I can't say you never gave me anything.

"What did your father ever do for you other than die?",
you once asked me.

I didn't have an answer back then....I was too blinded
by my pain and I couldn't see through it.

He gave me a voice.

He gave me a voice.

A friend asked me if I could ever forgive you.
The real question is....
Can I ever forgive myself?

I've allowed myself to walk through each day
with doubt, sadness and anger.

I've allowed myself to become a victim. Your victim.

Now I've decided to own this.

Fuck

The word you use to describe
the "dance" we do most evenings...

after which I slip quietly out your door
before you get a chance to
wrap your arms around me.

Comfort

I went to her that night.

Just as I always did on nights when I was feeling lonely...
went to her and took comfort in her arms.

I lay on her cool lavender scented sheets
and she caressed my bare back with her long graceful fingers.

She knew why I was there.
She never questioned me.
Just accepted me into her bed with open arms.

I told her my heart ache as I sulked into her pillow and
she wondered aloud how I thought someone like him....who could be so ugly
deserved to be with me... someone so beautiful.

She kissed my bare shoulder
her mouth savouring the taste of my skin...of the moment
knowing I would be gone when the sun started to rise.

Knowing I would return to her again...
return to her bed...
when once again I longed for comfort.

In an Underground Parking Lot

I found love last night...

in a car
in an underground parking lot.

My leg pressed up against the stick shift

while Janet Jackson assured me "that's the way love goes".

A Drop of Devotion

Some nights when I'm tidying my desk and
going through old papers
I read the letters you wrote to me over and
over again.

I re-live "the most amazing kiss"
and blush at all the right places.

You write that I'm so amazing
I've inspired poetry in a man that has
never been a poet.

I can't help but ask the pages in my hands
what it was that kept us apart.

I tasted your desire and your passion
but did not get a chance to fully enjoy you.

And now, after all of these years I find
that a piece of myself still belongs to you
and the reason we cannot face each other anymore
is because we both know what we walked away from.

What I walked away from.

Forgive me love...for offering you a drop of devotion
and then pouring the rest down the drain.

You deserved so much better than that.

Your Poem

For my beloved friend with the curly hair
who walks steadily beside me no matter where I go.

I tried to write a poem about you.

I wrote and re-wrote and nothing did you justice.

It's only now that I realize there are some people
who are so deep inside of your heart that
you can't pull them out onto paper no matter how hard you try.

So I choose to keep you deep in that place
exactly where I know you belong.

And this is your poem.

Strong Hands

My father played the guitar.

He wrote sad songs about young lovers and
sang them out loud to a beautiful woman.

He had strong hands with long slender fingers
that seduced the strings with each graceful touch,
and a voice that could move even silence to tears.