5am

I was jolted awake this morning at 5am
by the memory of you.

I stared into the darkness until sunrise
wondering how long this will continue.

Wondering how long your image will haunt me in my dreams.

I've been trying to polish off the finger prints you left on my heart
and I've started to forget what it felt like to enjoy silence with you.

While you're lying warm and content in the arms of a lover,
and sharing a love and a passion with a girl I've only ever seen in pictures...

I tell myself that I never cross your mind anymore
and realize how pathetic it is that that realization makes me sad.

"I realize I require my solitude"
"I don't want it"

I wish I didn't have the ability to speak your language.
I wish I didn't understand what those words really meant.

And the nights I am jolted awake at 5am by images of you smiling at me...

I wish I had never met you.

More Than Anything

I can still remember the nights...
we sat in my car in the parking lot of Tim Horton's.

Talked for hours and hours....talked until 4:00am
until the coffee and peppermint tea had run out.

We smoked cigarettes and listened to music.

You with your seat all the way back,
me with my legs stretched across your lap.

We made plans for the future,
shared our innermost desires and our darkest secrets.
Pondered aloud what it would be like to run away together.

The girl at the drive-thru who worked the night shift
remembered our faces and our orders.

On those nights I loved you more than anything.

Most Nights

He sits alone on the street car most nights,
Rides in the back speaking incoherently to himself.

People snicker and laugh.

Unsure of where he's going,
but coming from the same place you did.

A mother sits at home worrying about her son,
he used to ride a bicycle and suck on popsicles on hot summer days.
He used to cry when he scraped his knee.

Now he sits alone on the street car most nights,
arguing with himself and threatening to kick his own ass.

People pass weird looks back and forth and shift uncomfortably in their seats.

Not so long ago he was just like you.
He tasted the warm lips of a lover and
made love until the sun came up.

Now he sits alone most nights.

In the Rain

The rain came down that night
hard and heavy.

We were standing in front of your house and soaked right through.

Your t-shirt clung to your body
my hair was drenched and stuck to my forehead.

And we laughed and laughed
standing there on the empty dark street
we laughed.

You pulled me to you and placed a kiss
on the tip of my nose

Your breathe was warm and sweet
and you moved your lips lower and my mouth met yours.

And we danced and danced
standing there in the rain
we danced.

You lifted me with ease and lay me
ever so gently on the hood of your car.

Soaking wet clothes landed on the pavement
and you took me right there in the rain.

And you told me how much you wanted me
between passionate moans.

On a quiet dark street in the rain.

The Fall

Last night...

Being with you was like
making love with someone
making love for the first time.

Hands exploring with curious hesitation...

Lips both shy and urgent...

Your body both timid and wanting.

And your touch devouring me with such brutal purity
I had to catch my breathe or risk the fall.

The Scar

She would have been beautiful without the scar
that lay across her cheek.
It was large and white and took over the entire right side of her face.
But with the scar she was breathtaking.

She wore it with such grace.
I wanted to lay a kiss on it.

I had scars too...they just weren't as visible.

My friend scoffed and told me I was stupid
for wanting her.

He sees people with his eyes.

I look at the world with my heart.

Broken Silence

"There is no death - no death, but only change
And innovation; what men call birth
is but a different new beginning; death
is but to cease to be the same"

You broke the silence.

And we went on like this
lying naked under your sheets,
my head rested gently on your leg.

You reading "Metamorphoses" and me reading
selected poems by Gordon Downie.

Breaking the silence every now and then
to read aloud the words we thought were beautiful.

Matsushiro Fukuyato

Dear Matsushiro Fukuyato,

I don't listen to the radio anymore.

It teases and whispers terrible things into my ears
when I'm driving late at night by myself with no particular destination.

I contemplate jabbing it with an old pen.

Yours as always,

"An Old Friend"

I Sang

"Sing for me", he said.

So I did.

Sitting in the woods
a fire blazing in front of us
flames jumping and dancing and playing with the smoke.

I sang into the darkness.

I sang a duet with the crackling coals.

I sang my joy and my pain.

And when I was finished his grateful eyes thanked me in silence.

Forget

I pitched a tent on your balcony last night
and laughed quietly to myself
while you jumped naked from
a rooftop into a garbage bin.

A man at the supermarket made a racist comment
and I got angry in your defense...

Funny how the mind plays it's tricks on you
just when you've managed to forget.

The Cancer

They got the phone call last night
the tumours are there to stay
they called it cancer.

Cancer of the (insert appendage here).

Not that it matters where it is
eventually it will take over everything.

Eat away at the stomach
the brain.

Corrode the mind and...
deteriorate the soul

It will gnaw at family members
and cripple the hearts of friends.

It doesn't really matter where it starts or
who it starts with because
eventually everyone will carry it with them,
everyone will feel it.

They called it cancer.

Radiation is not an option
surgery is hopeless.

Who will remember her
after she's fallen gracefully to sleep.

After eyes have cried their last tear
and closed and slept in peace.